OK more on how we got to this place....

After emailing at least 40 other families..thank you all for answering ALL my questions!:)....

Brad never really said much about any of this - like I said before he just let me go on doing my thing. Listening to me ramble on about blogs and babies and Ethiopia.

I got books from the library read them all, called references, read more blogs, called more agencies. One agency stood out to me - they answered all of my questions - very quickly answered all emails (which I LOVE).

I then started to go down the list of "what to do" - paperwork that is. I started to mark off as much of this in advance as I could being that it is a slow time in real estate right now - I had some time to do this.

I got a new drivers license, ss card, met with our priest (for his blessing), mailed off my passport info. Sent in a pre-application letter.

I didn't want to be over-whelmed with paperwork so I wanted to get a head start on all of this. All the while still talking incessantly with my husband about this and what he was thinking.

There were a couple of Aha moments for me.....but again I really never felt he was completely on board.

ONE HUGE "AHA" MOMENT!!!

So while showering (best place to do some good old thinking) I prayed....I said in my head "God is this what I am suppose to be....and before I could get the word "doing" out of my thoughts...God said to me "YES THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING"....I had my eyes closed washing my hair and I immediately opened my eyes and was in SHOCK!! What just happened - was that really GOD speaking to me - telling me that this is what I suppose to be doing?? OK - so you really don't question GOD - so I just finished showering and knew that this was exactly what I was suppose to be doing! This was it - no more questioning!! I must tell Brad what just happened but how do you tell your husband or anyone that you just had a conversation with GOD??

2 days passed and this kept going over and over in my head....I am not very religious. I am one that prays every now and then but really only when something bad is happening to me (I know not very good)....

So on a Friday (the day of my 35th birthday party)...I decided while B and I were eating lunch I would tell him about what happened to me. We were at our fav restaurant and talking about adoption. I told him - "if you are not on board and really questioning this please let me know - so that I can put the brakes on (like I could do this) but I wanted to give him that option. He said "I am trying to figure this out...Mindy you really never wanted to have kids....and I just want to make sure that you know what you are doing"....I started to feel the tears coming....he continued.."I just don't know if I can do this".

Well when you ask someone for the truth sometimes the truth hurts!!!

So through tears I told him the "shower" story....I thought well he is either going to think I have lost my mind or he will understand. He just stared at me - not really saying anything. I think he was in absolute shock. His wife just told him that she heard a voice in the freakin shower!!!

SO I left it at that....my birthday came and went....and I just pressed on.